


Alexander’s backstory

by breakatake



Series: Jamilton YouTuber/Band Au [8]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Alex needs a hug, Alexander is sad, Angst, Anxiety, Crying, F/M, M/M, PTSD, backstories, kind of, thomas is supportive, tw: alcoholism, tw: death, tw: verbal abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 02:39:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16467119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakatake/pseuds/breakatake
Summary: Alexander is reminded of the incident that caused his dad to win custody after the divorce.





	Alexander’s backstory

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys i’m sad and this is gonna make me more sad i’m gonna write sm angst tonight sorry not sorry but tmms halloween yay  
> also thomas’ youtube channel is mentioned yeh  
> the flashback is in italics!  
> trigger warning for verbal abuse, alcoholism, and also death !! if this makes you uncomfortable you can skip it and it is in italics so it will be easier to skip

It was raining.

Well, storming, if we wanted to get specific. 

Alexander didn’t like storms. 

Why?

Well, he had a good reason.

Thomas didn’t know that reason, exactly. He just knew something traumatic happened that made Alexander not like thunderstorms. So, when Alexander was crying during a storm, Thomas didn’t know how to calm his panicking boyfriend down. 

Thomas sat with Alexander between his legs, rocking him back and forth as the rain and wind clattered against the windows. They were on the ground, they were filming something for Thomas’ YouTube channel but they had to stop because of how bad the storm was getting. 

“Baby, please breathe.” Thomas begged and Alexander tried his best, but broke down in sobs. Thomas stroked his hair and whispered soothing things in his ear,  reminding him that he was safe and nothing bad was happening. He rubbed his arms and his hands and he just rocked Alexander back and forth. As the rain began to calm down, Alexander also began to calm down. He was left in just sniffles and coughs. 

“S-Sorry.” Alexander whispered and Thomas shook his head. “Don’t be.” He whispered back and kissed his hair. 

Alexander thought for a second.  _Should I tell him? Is it worth it? Is it important enough?_ He decided it was. 

He breathed in for a second before he began to speak. “It was scary.”

”What was scary, Alexander?” Thomas questioned, maneuvering them to sit against the wall instead of just in the middle of the ground.

”Mom, her drinking.”

———

_“Mom? Can you help me with this?” A five year old Alexander Hamilton walked into the living room with his homework book, seeking help from his mother since George was still at work._

_His mother glanced up at him for a split second from whatever she was doing. She took a sip from the cup beside her._

_“I’m busy.”_

_Alexander furrowed his eyebrows. “Mommy, please? I have to do this or my teacher will get upse.” He whined and his mother glared._

_“What did I say? I’m busy? Are you deaf? Or just stupid.”_

_She always said mean things like this, especially when she was drunk. His mother wasn’t exactly the nicest human being, she would always hurt his feelings. She targeted him specifically, not James as much. James tried to help, but he’d get yelled at as well._

_Alexander flinched when she yelled at him. He bit his lip and nervously stepped back. “S-sorry..” He whispered._

_“Don’t you see how much I’m doing for you? What else do you want from me?” She yelled._

_He couldn’t tell why she was so worked up over him asking for help with some math homework._

_She always reminded him how much she did for him._

_———_

“She- she would yell at me. A lot.” He sniffled and Thomas listened intently. “She would remind me that I was nothing and that I didn’t matter or she’d call me stupid. She’d point out everything she did for me if I was ever asking for something, even if it wasn’t too much. That’s why I never tell you when I’m sad, she would always tell me it wasn’t important.” Alexander’s voice got higher, indicating that he was about to start crying again and Thomas stroked his hair and shushed him gently. 

“It’s okay to cry, baby, cry if you need to.” Thomas whispered and Alexander nodded, but kept the tears in as he continued.

”Mom and dad divorced, mom won custody somehow. But I remember why dad ended up winning us eventually.” He whispered. “The-the storm. The crash.” 

Thomas furrowed his eyebrows.

———

_”Mommy? Where are we going?”_

_Alexander was only 5 years old at the time, his brother James was 8._

_His mother glared at him in the mirror. “Shut up, Alexander. Stop asking so many damn questions.” She slurred._

_It was storming really, really bad. The thunder and lightning boomed so loud, every single time Alexander would cover his ears._

_“Don’t be stupid, it won’t hurt you.” his mother muttered and James reached over and grabbed Alexander’s hand in his own._

_They were on a highway. Why were they on a highway?_

_“Mommy? Where are we going? Daddy’s house isn’t far. Why are we on the highway?” Alexander questioned again and James stared at him with wide eyes and a finger over his lips._

_His mother didn’t answer, she just put a water bottle to her lips and drank._

_Alexander stared at her, worried now._

_“Mommy-“_

_”Shut up, Alexander.”_

_Alexander was persistent on finding out where they were headed, he just wanted to know because he didn’t know if they were safe or not._

_His mom snapped._

_”Alexander!” She yelled, turning around to look at him. “Can you not tell that I am busy driving right now and I can’t answer these silly questions of yours? I told you to shut up, can’t you listen for once-“_

_She didn’t get to finish screaming because the car slid on the road. Somehow, James and Alexander got the worst of the crash._

_“James!” Alexander screamed, watching as the car came into James’ side of the car and crushed him and he screamed and tears began to rush. Alexander kept on screaming and crying as he felt the impact of the crash, getting hit on the head a few times and his mother’s car collided with another on Alexander’s side. He got a crushed arm and some bruises._

_But James._

_James had it so bad._

_They couldn’t save him._

_Alexander remembered as he was pulled out of the car and he screamed as his brother was rushed into the ambulance with James. His brother had an oxygen mask over him, but they couldn’t save him._

_All Alexander remembered that night was his dad holding him close as he cried._

_”I’ve got you. You’re safe now.”_

_———_

George married Martha when Alexander was 8 or so and she’d been Alexander’s mother figure since. He loved her more than he loved his biological mother, he couldn’t even consider his biological mother his mother.

Thomas just clutched him and he had tears running down his cheeks as well. Alexander was crying again and him and Thomas embraced each other. Thomas knew how he felt. Thomas felt the pain of abuse and having a deadbeat parent. He knew what it was like. He was going to be there for Alexander no matter what.

”I’m so sorry, Im so sorry.” Thomas whispered over and over and Alexander shook his head.

”It’s okay, we can get through it. I’m here and you’re here with me. It’ll always be like that.” 

Thomas nodded and wiped Alexander’s tears, he wanted to protect him. 

He loved him and he just wanted him to be okay.

And maybe they would be.

**Author's Note:**

> i am sorry


End file.
